Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am midnight drunk by noon
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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