chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
