I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize