honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
