He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize