I molested 6 butterflies tonight
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
