and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As shirtless as possible
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
