Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
