whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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