i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
