Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
