exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
