i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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