rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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