Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
