im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
