I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
