you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize