i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
