Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize