You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
