I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
