Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My life is pants optional.
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