I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
