So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
