I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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