Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
