Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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