Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
