sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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