you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
