sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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