remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
