i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
