Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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