he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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