I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
