god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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