the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
