if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
