Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize