id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
