some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
