She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
