At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
