would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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