don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
