Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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