This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
