oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
