She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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