i think my tv is drunk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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