Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize