I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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