I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
