proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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