I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
