every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
