So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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