Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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