Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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