Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My cat gives me a boner
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize