found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I stole a fireplace last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
